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Buy Arcade Shooter: Ilvelo (Nintendo Wii) at Play-Asia.com
Is that really a videogame? Weird of the Week 2010
September 1
Guerilla War SNK 1987
Norman: "Hail the heroes of The Revolution!"
Jones: "The heroes of what revolution?"
Norman: "Of THE Revolution!"
Jones: "Like the revolution of Penis or something?"
Norman: "Um, I suppose it could be, why, you don't have plans this evening?"
There's a story in this game somewhere, and it might as well be what is posted above. The game is Ikari Warriors, with painful sounding deaths, better weapons, and human shields. Not much else. It does have a boss battle where the boss laughs at you and flips you off. I suppose that's ok.
August 25
Super Trio Gameace 1994
Take control of one of three rodents (or is it a dog, a cat, and a mouse?) in this Super Mario Bros. type platformer, while fighting your arch enemies. The enemies of all mice: bees, bugs, robocop, shiitake mushrooms, and the queen bee herself, among others. It plays OK, but this wouldn't really fly on a home console, although many companies made games much worse than this for home consoles (see: Dinosaurs for Hire on the Genesis). Bad sounds, so-so play, and weird characters allow this game to be one of the weird. Like the bastard son of Mickey Mouse and a pile of random pet DNA.
August 18
Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo Capcom 1996
Capcom's self-parody of its Street Fighter II series, featuring jewel-matching puzzle play combined with animated characters who "fight" each other by overpowering their opponents. How does it work? You match your gems by color, and try to break them in combos with a colored circle piece or a flickering diamond, this causes you to attack your opponent (much like Puzzle Quest). The characters are super-deformed Street Fighter characters, and in true odd Japanese game way, the women have odd and unnatural "physics" about them. Available on older consoles and currently on the XBox Live Arcade service, this is as addictive as puzzle games get (sorry, Tetris!)
August 11
Surprise Attack Konami 1990
This is one of those games that you look at and go "Wait, isn't this a Super Nintendo game?" It looks pretty old, the graphics are smooth but crusty as last month's bread. It's a standard scroll-through game like Rolling Thunder. The difference is what makes it weird: the graphics and the text. Pick up a bonus, and the game says "U DID IT'. Clear the stage, and you get "Clearance point of the mission". Almost forgot: Chapter 1's title is.. "The revolving dot." Check it out:
August 4
Block Carnival / Thunder & Lightning Visco 1992
Breakout. Super Breakout. Arkanoid. Revenge of Doh. All the same style game, bash the bricks at the top of the screen, nab some power ups to make it more interesting. Block Carnival, near as I can figure, stars efeminate male ballet dancers who like to knock on different colored balls, destroy food, smack around fat guys, pop chickens, and smack around pigs. This one seems more disturbing then weird. But I'll let you be the judge. Check it out:
July 28
Sonic Blastman 2 Bootleg of Taito original 1997
Not particularly sure I know what the story is in this game, it's a Japanese bootleg of a Japanese game company's game. Sonic Blastman 2 is one of those silly beat-em-up games done equally as bad and better as this title is. It's pretty bad, I actually stopped playing after a few minutes. Arcane controls, piss-poor graphics, bad sound, bad characters. The saving grace for this game? The main hero in this game seems to beat the hell out of everything while wearing... boxing gloves? Oh, wait a second, the second saving grace, you can play as a chick, Sonya, who does kick ass, and helps in the unending battle against enemy robots, enemy mohawk dudes, phone booths, and street signs. Man, this game sucks.
July 21: Special Weird Entry!
Deathsmiles Aksys Games 2008,2010
I know the review was just posted for Deathsmiles here at the world, but it deserves a slot to be part of the Weird of the Week. Flying over-developed under-aged girls with super powers in a super-Japanese style battle to the finish against evil! No! Really! Lolitas with weapons and super bombs and plunging necklines! Click Rosa to read the complete review!
July 14
Hyper Man Semicom 1995
There's always room for Pac-Man in many videogame discussions. He's just that kind of guy. Hyper Man, what looks like it may just be another unlicensed version of our pal, includes power ups (laser beam hats? jumping shoes? roller skates? x-ray glasses?), ghosts, really trippy music, and so-so graphics. The one thing it does seem to be lacking in is fun, but it certainly excels at weird.
Are those little laser beams mounted on Pac-Man's head? Well, yes, as a matter of fact, they are.
July 7
Ben Bero Beh Taito 1984
The building is on fire, and it's up to you, dressed like a cherubic-Noid from Dominos Pizza commercials of yore, to save some sort of amorphous figure! Sometimes, even a giant woodchuck-looking thing will come out in a pool of oil or turds and try to get you. The safes and filing cabinets rock back and forth to try and slow you progress, as the fire burns through the building and causes small holes to form in the floor. It might be interesting, it sounds weird enough, but then you play it, and you realize it's just another steaming pile of turds, and it happens to be weird.
June 30: Special Weird Submission!
ArmJoe Takase 199x
Ever want to punch out Jean Valjean? Kick Javert in the balls? Use super fighting skills that Cosette learned from, somebody? Well, have we found the game for you! Les Miserables: The Game of the Book, called ArmJoe from the Japanese language title of the book, which sounds like ArmJoe. It's a free download, and the fighting isn't the best but it's not terrible. They all have super powers, Javert has some weird belly-flop move, Enjorias has magical bullets and a repeating musket, and each character seems to have one of those crazy 25+ hit combos that will instantly take out the remaining health bar on the player on the receiving end. There's even a steel-plated Valjean called Robo Valjean, who's coming to do.. something to somebody. If you don't like the game, even though there is a nightmarish charm to it, you still might like starting a match with Javert, who summons his opponent with some taunt that says "Alright, bitches!" If you've got a sense of humor you will like this game. It truly is a weird title, and quite possibly the only one of its kind. I hope somebody makes a Bible fighter, where you can be God and drop plagues or have 3 ways of fighting, through God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. Think of the possibilities. Think if.. the blasphemy?
June 23
Space Bomber Psikyo 1998
100% Japanese, this is Space Invaders meets Hello Kitty, or something like that. Absurdly overly-cute enemies, like octopus, dogs, urinal pucks, and various other WTFs attack the Earth, and it's up to you to stop it! Japanese games are accused sometimes of being too cute, and this one is a prime example. The gameplay isn't terrible, but the silly themes are incredibly weird. Who ever head of fighting a transforming garbage pail in front of the World Trade Center or octopus and squid in front of the Empire State Building? At least it might get points for being, err, original?
June 16
Progear Capcom 2001
Made by Crave, the bullet-hell shmup mavens, and published by Capcom, Progear is a shmup of hand-drawn goodness out in 2001. Since arcades were pretty much dead by that time, I never had a chance to see this one in an arcade cabinet. The style is "steampunk", meaning a science fiction style set in the 18th or early 19th century with futuristic designs powered by steam. It's an odd look that has been popular for some time. You are one of five kids fighting against the elderly who want to take over the country, named "Parts". In the process, the elderly guys: Gabriel Hammer, Ballossum Pench, Jimchuck Spanner, Leonard Drill, and Olsorro Slasher- are destroying the country. You take flight in your semi-automatic propelling engine, called the "Progear", to prevent this from happening. The screen will, at times, become completely engulfed in bullets, bonuses, and enemies, but there's an awesomeness in the style and feel to this game.
