Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad.. $39.99, XBox 360
Well, the reviewers hate
it, but we here at FTM like it. The reviews I've read rank it 3
or less out of 10. I would give it a 5 for it's stupid appeal. It's not the best, but its amusing with
a goofy storyline and dopey
character designs. I
recommend a rent or playing this one drunk for the more discriminating
gamer.
Here's a quick run-down
of what to expect
from this game:
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The graphics are PS2 quality
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The camera is annoying, but the player has some control over it. There's a auto-face button where you can swing the camera behind your character
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The voice acting is Japanese, so there is at least some charm (?) to the dialogue, until you read the translations
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The English text is comprised of terrible run-on sentences AND run-on words with absent spacing
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The game play is redundant
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The storyline is laughably bad
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Some of the cut scenes are lonely boy ridiculous.
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The zombies are dopey, some of them are carrying saws, chainsaws, or gatling [sic] guns, for no apparent reason. There are birds, but you have to watch their animations (or lack thereof) to appreciate them for what they are: floating cardboard cut-outs
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The dress up mode is, well, disturbing when sober and the view mode is more in line with a peep show.
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To say there are gallons of blood would be an understatement with the term "blood bath" having a new bikini clad meaning.
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The zombies die in a Blade-like style. They get chopped up, and the main parts sizzle away in a cloud of ash and sparks, leaving behind a collectible gold orb, clothing orb, red orb (chunks of some sort), and other objects.
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The load screens have a little zombie chop game with deformed preschool characters
With all that said, it's really fun, sometimes in spurts. There is a 2-player option, but it's offline multiplayer, and it's a serious throw-away multiplayer. Through much of the game you have control over two characters between which you can alternate. You can unlock clothing and go into dress-up mode and, well... whatever.
You can rank up any character in Survival Mode, a poor-man's Horde Mode, and you can take your power-ups and leveled-up warrior chick into battle in the main story! There are healing power ups, strength and speed power ups, and "bring your second character back to life" power ups. You will get lost on some levels, but you will eventually stumble on the correct path. When the zombies attack, they don't seem to always try to hurt you. They notice you; they wander into you; and they stop like you were an obstacle. Sometimes birds will attack, but they don't really animate. They sometimes flap their wings, but most of the time they are sitting in mid-air, not flapping their wings. Ok..! Boss battles are long, but easy if you've powered up your characters. One boss battle had me fighting 2 giant bloody turd-like monsters with teeth that threw corpses at me! By spinning around them with Annna (yes, with 3 n's) and her guns and grenades, I killed them with little trouble. Throughout the game, your blades will collect blood, but a quick push of the LB button will have your character clean. If you don't, your blade will stick in zombies, and they can smack you while you pull your sword(s) out.
Like all 360 games, there are achievements, but you need some sort of guide to get them. Something like "Stand on your head while mixing drinks, on a skateboard, then call your mom collect from a pay phone." They don't seem to be easy, but I'm sure some savants have them already. My wife hates videogames, she played it for 10 minutes, and said "You have issues". Translation of her comment, "It's perfect for you!"
In all, for $40, it's not the worst you can do with your money. There is another $20 in downloadable content. It includes some new oddly-shapen female playable characters, but purchasing it would bring the title back to the usual price range of $60. Overall, we really enjoyed this title, and it was nice to not look at a fake muscular man running around killing things. There is also an un-reviewed version of the game for the Nintendo Wii.
Irreverent Puppet observations are available on video at the Einstein & Pencil Shavings YouTube!
