Hours after midnight, weary, as my vision turned to bleary,

Because of many wasted hours of soon-to-be-forgotten code,

Passing out, I heard a snapping, all at once there came a slapping,

Violently slapping, crashing, smashing from my game console.

Shit, that bastard's getting up, I knocked him down but now he's up -

Son of a bitch, he's looking to settle the score.

I knew it was, to my dismay, the very, merry month of May,

When minds turn to warmth and summer, bikini-clad.

I knew mine would be a bummer- my pride was hurt while sane men slumber,

the big grey bastard's got my number, was it something I said of his Mother?

I didn't think this things had Mothers, but I would smack her and his Brother,

I'm here on Planet E.D.E.N. III, with melted ice, once more.

Damnit!

The golden spew of Akrid breath, the crimson spew of Akrid death,

Scared the shit from me - filling my screen with unreal terrors never to be felt again, until I have to respawn or restart;

(thanks for that one, by the way!)

And as I sweat upon my chair, the sweat seeps through my underwear,

There's some beast as burden coming through the sky, no door,

It's flying through the sky, once more;-

That is it, what can I say?

Back to the screen, I must be dreaming, it's late enough, and I like dreaming,

But the Akrid still comes at me, from side to side to top to kill,

No silence here, machine guns rapping, pull SV shotguns, rockets snapping,

Loudly snapping, snapping at the haggered beast,

And all this while I stand about a corner, eating health in quickest order,

But it keeps disappearing, draining, quickly, fast.

I had 4500 points to keep me up, to sooth my joints, to blow stuff up.

Yet it keeps a draining, draining, fluids from it also draining,

But I'm the one who must re-spawn again.

This thing, looks pretty, for a game to play,

But should I waste all night and day, just to blow them all away?

The gamer in me said I must not bend.

The early parts, they were so cleanly, bringing me some fodder (really!)

They seemed to want me to shoot them all down!

Just for a moment, I thought I may know, "Hey this level looks like Halo!-

But I can see my guy, he's there, right there. Right THERE!

The guy lying on his back.  Seems Pirates gave me a good whack,

Now back to respawn, hey, will my gun still be there?

The graphics look great with subtle beauty, to me much more than Call of Duty,

Modern, Stone-age, or in some Future War.

There's also RVs called VSs which plod along and squash and shoot and blast,

With gatlings, rockets, and shotguns, it piles on detructive fun; but

Inside this walking cage, please note, the controls are not unlike a boat,

And if not careful, you will die, alot.

.. and then probably again, Mein Gott!

I should come forth, and now admit, with online games, I play like shit.

But sometimes I stay on way to long.

The bitching heard on XBox Live, it really fekkin' gives me hives,

To hear pre-pube vulgar words fly, just like every game on Live, I want to reach in and smack them in the face and pummel

them or smack their parents or take a dump in there disc drive, or Red Ring there face with my Red Eye...  - but,

 I digress, Lost Planet 2 on Live, it strives! With co-op friends this game is not a chore.

Although I die, and die... and die. Alot.

Then die, and die and die, and die, alot, I'll come back often, I'll do better next time.

The Akrid do not really care, if I have co-op players there,

Or I am dumb and come to fight alone.

My awesome AI allies help, they listen to my whining yelp, as they get stuck inside the open door.

I really wish they wouldn't suck, but I can look past those schmucks,

And remove the bad guys from E.D.E.N. III, in time as in and such.

Also it came to PS3, but I really don't have the money,

To buy another console, and then more DLC (coming soon!)

If you like co-op slaughter fun, go on live and find someone,

But, be warned, you might just hate this game.

As for me I like it such, and thank the Capcom Guys so much,

For accepting that fact I would roast this game!

There's one thing, though, that makes me squeamish,

And that would be that Markus Fenix

Will be coming, as well Resistance Helghast foes, to 360 and PS3 someday to play.

I guess it's what the people want, and be me not the one,

 To pee in this very, very  public  pool. Eh, it's cool.

This game is recommended for online adversarial and co-op fun!

4 out of 6 ravens