June 11 2010

3-0n-3 NHL Arcade  XBLA 800  posted on December 3  2009

NHL Arcade released earlier this year to mediocre reviews.  However, it was on sale for 400 a couple of weeks ago, and being a fan of the NHL and not really good at the full retail NHL titles, I bit and downloaded NHL Arcade.  The gameplay is OK, with power ups and power downs to mess with your team or your opponent.  You can make your player huge, or you can shrink your opponent's goalie, or freeze the other players in place.  The sounds are passable, but the idea to make sounds effects from guys making them with their voices is both an inspired idea and a total failure at the same time.  Still, the only things I found in NHL Arcade that I didn't like were the limited rosters, no season tracking, and the lack of individual team's jerseys- this is straight-up All Star Hockey.  Once you get the controls down, and if you like hockey, this is a good title for the price I got it for, 400.  At its regular price, 800, discretion is recommended, and demo before purchase is a must.

Adventures of Sid  XBLI 240 posted January 27 2010

Since the earliest days of platform games, people have been trying to emulate the tried-and-true Mario Bros. formula.  Many games have come and gone: Blasto, Bubsy, Gex, Trevor McFur.  Even the one considered a challenge to Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog, has spit the bed throughout the years, churning out mediocre to crap games.  Mario games, while not perfect (Luigi's Mansion?), are still the standard.  Then we have the Adventures of Sid, a coin-collecting platformer starring a tomato (!) on XBLI for a very reasonable 240.  I t does nothing spectacular, but is a decent platform game with easy to learn mechanics, with the addition of guns, ammo, fire, and explosives.  The game boasts 16 levels across 4 environments, pretty impressive for an indie game!  The graphics do the job, and it's actually hard to see this game done with the snappy visuals of today's titles.  This one is pure retro goodness!  This could be hit or miss with you, but this title is definitely worth your time.

Angry Barry  XBLI 400  posted January 20 2010

There are many things that can offend you in all facets of life.  There are also many, many titles that can offend you in any given videogame library.  Just when you think you've seen it all, in walks  Angry Barry, released in July 2009 after the Presidential Election.  Angry Barry puts you in the shoes of the Commander-in-Chief, Angry Barry (Barrack Obama- get it!?) in some alternate universe.  Before the game even starts, you are treated to a swinging sexy-looking ass in tight pants.  But who is wearing those pants?  Oh, it's Angry Barry!  How did this guy get super powers? Oh, he was hit by a meteorite that turns him into Angry Barry when he's pissed!  What sets him off in this game is a problem we have all had at one point or another: a fingernail in his weenie! (That's hotdog, you pervs!) After that, it's a quick tutorial and the game starts, just like Bad Dudes, only fun!  Along the way, you will beat up old white women with cats, be chased by younger women eager to mate with Barry, Secret Service men who are your enemies (?), all the while collecting votes to add to your score.  The votes are counted as acorns, a vague reference, I assume, to the current problems with the ACORN Scandal (it's really not worth going into ).  Packed with blood and violence, sexual innuendo, a giant evil GW Bush Robot Boss, and a  Screamin' Howard Dean Power-Up, topped off by very accessible controls, graphics, and gameplay, this title is one to check out.  To make it easier, it's only 400 ($5), and it is as ridiculous as the title screen looks:

Blood Tempest  XBLI 80  posted June 10 2010

A boat shooter title, not many of these around the gaming world.  Take your speedboat with upgradeable weapons, and blow the crap out of pirates.  Not the "Walk the plank, yee scurvy swab!" but the "I'll blow your ass away!" type pirate.  The controls are not too complicated, the left mushroom controlling your boat, the right mushroom controlling your aim, with face and trigger buttons pulling the usual fire-switch weapon-defensive maneuver.  The bumper buttons do movements as well: left bumper makes you roll left, right bumper rolls right, and both buttons makes you flip around to face enemies (in a BOAT?!)  The rating says that there is sex in the game, with a rating of "Sex 3-3" which I still can't quite figure out.  Sure there is a chick with big boobs and a small outfit, but it's not very sexual- cover your tail, I suppose.  At 80, yet another title with absolutely no buyer's remorse.

Hour of Victory  (DEMO) 360  posted December 15 2009 

Sure, everybody loves World War 2 shooters, so how's about everybody make one!  This was announced by Midway as an XBox console- exclusive, which sounds cool.  Hour of Victory game has three characters to choose from that act the same, lots of enemies that are scripted the same- and sometimes seem to forget where they are or what they are doing, or even what game they are in.  This game doesn't look so hot in the XBox/PS2/NGC generation, and in the 360/PS3 generation, it seems laughable.  You can pick it up for under $15 these days, a shame since it was a full-priced retail title, $59.99.  It doesn't show, especially when the Call of Duty games retail the same price at their respective launch!.  A dead game, a dead multiplayer arena.. there's so much more that could have been with even 6 months more development, let alone a whole year.  As it is, this one is sure to appeal to some players, but I haven't seen any of them.

Jonny Crush XBLI 400 posted January 26 2010

Can't get over shooting giant insects? Earth Defense Force played out for you?  Well, Jonny Crush comes to try and fill that void.  Mass murder ensues when you jump into the shoes of Ace Exterminator Jonny Crush, and take command of his arsenal and proceed to off giant cockroachers and yellowjackets (present in the demo), spraying bloody bug guts all over the cityscape.  The game looks pretty damn good for an independent title, but it plays a bit slow, it could have done with a run button (unless I've overlooked it?)  The other thing I would have liked is to be able to change weapons on the fly and not jump into a menu to do it.  The price is a bit high at  400, pushing this game for $5 is a bit much, the demo is semi-satisfying but overall so-so.  Cheers for the effort, boos for the slow gameplay and for the price.

Just Cause (DEMO) 360 Posted December 16, 2009

This demo caught me off guard, to say the least.  Jump in the shoes of CIA sexy man Rico Rodriguez, and skydive straight into the action, grappling hook and weapons in hand.  The demo allows you to do almost everything possible in the retail release: hijack planes, helicopters, cars, boats, motorcycles, civilian vehicles, military vehicles, blow almost anything up, shoot anything and anyone.  The graphics look good for a demo, and don't really change in the final release.  The demo is fairly packed with action, and you will stumble on a time limit, leading you to race for the final checkpoint which leads to... a cliffhanger ending.. literally!  The demo plays better and seems to have been crafted with more care than some full retail releases such as Wartech: Senko No Rondo.  The demo is worth keeping on your HDD if you have the space, as the demo, while allowing you to see the game and do what you would in the retail game, has almost nothing to do with the retail game.  It can stand alone as a small shareware title.  Just Cause is highly recommended as both the demo, which is free, and the retail, with is around $9 these days.  It should whet your appetite for the release of Just Cause 2 on March 23, 2010.

Madden NFL Arcade XBLA/PSN 1200/$14.99 posted December 3, 2009

Madden NFL Arcade definitely brings the series into the arcade arena, dropping the gameplay to 5-on-5, with simplified controls and play calling, with some decent graphics thrown in.  It's not the return to NFL Blitz, but it's as close as you're probably going to get, barring EA buying up Midway's Blitz classic game, which is not likely for now, as Blitz has transformed from arcade awesome to some kind of weird fighting-football-WTF hybrid game.  It's also bare-bones- no season, no stat tracking, but to its credit, it does contain all 32 teams and, surprisingly, all 32 stadiums.  The exaggerated play of Madden Arcade is fun for awhile, but it does wear off fairly quickly, and it certainly doesn't justify the fairly high pricetag.

Nasty  XBLI 80  posted June 10 2010

Take Guy and Bob through many levels of enemies to save humanity.  Hey, I'll save humanity with a guy named Guy, and I can also do it multiplayer (offline), or finally, I can kill off the entire lot of 'em with  PvP levels.  Looks like Contra, feels like Teddy Boy, sounds.. um, sounds kind of quiet.  But the small team that has put this game together has done a good job, and kept the price low.  And who wouldn't want to kill off this green chicken, cleverly disguised as a snake?

NBA Unrivaled XBLA/PSN 1200/$14.99 posted November 17 2009 

NBA Unrivaled was released last week on the XBLA and PSN.  Downloaded it and tried it today and, well, it's not that good.  The players look OK in a silly NBA Jam way, but they animate poorly, they look goofy, the sounds are sparse and the music is annoying.  The gameplay?  I'm sure it would have been seen as ground-breaking if it were released in the 80s, but Double Dribble feels better than NBA Unrivaled.  You do get to play an entire game with the Orlando Magic & LA Lakers for the trial, but at half-time I was looking to get back to the dashboard.  It honestly looks like they are being held back from running fast as it moves sluggish, but that could be to make up for the basketball court itself feeling much shorter than it should be, more like a playground basketball court.  In the end, NBA Unrivaled game tries to look like NBA Jam, tries to play like Double Dribble, yet ends up being something along the lines of a Now-Generation David Robinson's Supreme Court, and that's not a good thing.  Feel free to demo it, but don't purchase it, even if you absolutely love the NBA.

Night of Doom XBLI 80  posted November 18 2009

There's not much to say about Night of Doom, the demo level feels like Doom Meets Battlezone in a big wide-open space, with no speed.  The zombies don't animate, but they scale well.  The sounds are fairly limited, the guns sound so-so.  There is an amusing female voice to some of the zombies, and playing just about 30 seconds you know this is a no-budget title.  It's not an offensive title, but there's just not much to it.  I will say for 60 (75 cents) you could do much worse, and for the price of a candy bar, there's a good chance Night of Doom will give you more enjoyment than a Snickers bar.

Rocket Fart XBLIndie Games 80 posted June 10 2010 

The synopsis: Ignatius has fallen into a volcano, and only his farting will keep him from falling into the lava and dying!  Featuring a strange take on the old Joust mechanic, where you hit the button to make your bird flap its wings, in Rocket Fart, you hit the button to expel gas from your rear-end, while trying to eat food that flies past you, giving you more gas reserves to keep from dying.  That's about it.  Simple graphics, inoffensive music, not much else.  But, you can say it with me: "I can think of worse things to spend 80 /$1.00 on, but at least the game creator tried something new, and it beats anything on the Dollar Menu."  That said, this title is still pretty bad.

Rush'N Attack XBLA, 400 posted  June 10 2010 

There's a good chance you don't remember Rush'N Attack.  Released in 1985 in the midst of the beginning of the end of the USSR, this game took advantage of the Rambo vision of getting behind enemy lines, freeing hostages, and killing lots of communists.  There is only one thing missing from the game: FUN.  The animations of the characters are primitive in every manner, skating and sliding characters with guns, bad noises, stupid yet oh-so-malicious AI, and wonky control.  Many a times have I died by getting my timing off for firing my picked-up weapon, which can only be fired 3 times per.  Better yet, your default weapon is a knife.  Literally bringing a knife to a gunfight.  Do download this and check out what we played in the 1980s, just remember to delete the thing, because it sucked in the 1980s.  Damnit, I hate this game so much, and now they're bringing out a reimagining of it?  Ok, but I guess better than crap is less crappy.

ZP2K9 XBLI 80  posted November 18 2009

ZP2K9 is another independent title for the XBox Indie Games, and it's not too bad.  It's only 80, so you will not feel ripped off.  You get a nice variety of weaponry and grenades, and you can play Deathmatches, Capture the Flag, or King of the Hill either online or offline- even with system link.  Pretty good play options for an indie game!  The game plays a bit like a combination of  Worms, for the weapons and arena set-up, and Small Arms, for the platforming and fighting.  One good addition is the boots your player has cling to the sides of walls, allowing you free movement through much of the arena.  Considering this game is the same price as many items on the dollar menu, I recommend swinging past the drive-in, go home, make a sandwich, and try out ZP2K9 on the XBLI.

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